# Continually updated Dad jokes
**URL:** https://ukskateforum.co.uk/t/continually-updated-dad-jokes/2335
**Category:** General
**Created:** [July 26, 2021, 5:53pm UTC](https://ukskateforum.co.uk/t/continually-updated-dad-jokes/2335 "2021-07-26T17:53:42Z")
**Posts on this page:** 20
**Page:** 6
### Author:  [@doowyrag](https://ukskateforum.co.uk/u/doowyrag)
#### Post date: [April 15, 2025, 1:54pm UTC](https://ukskateforum.co.uk/t/continually-updated-dad-jokes/2335/103 "2025-04-15T13:54:58Z")
I bought 2 pints of milk in Aldi yesterday.
It was an impulse buy.
I only went in for an angle grinder, a wetsuit and a 40ft ladder.
---
### Author:  [@andy\_smoke](https://ukskateforum.co.uk/u/andy_smoke)
#### Post date: [April 26, 2025, 3:11pm UTC](https://ukskateforum.co.uk/t/continually-updated-dad-jokes/2335/104 "2025-04-26T15:11:35Z")
a cat went to the vets, and said “meow”.
“yes, but whereabouts?” said the vet
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### Author:  [@doowyrag](https://ukskateforum.co.uk/u/doowyrag)
#### Post date: [May 31, 2025, 1:33pm UTC](https://ukskateforum.co.uk/t/continually-updated-dad-jokes/2335/105 "2025-05-31T13:33:50Z")
A couple of odd things have happened to me today.
1. I found a hat full of money.
2. A man with a guitar ran after me.
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### Author:  [@Mark](https://ukskateforum.co.uk/u/Mark)
#### Post date: [May 31, 2025, 8:47pm UTC](https://ukskateforum.co.uk/t/continually-updated-dad-jokes/2335/106 "2025-05-31T20:47:25Z")
Dave’s wife has never had an orgasm so they go to the doctors.
After tests the doctor suggests Dave’s wife may be overheating during sex. Dave refuses to buy a fan and decides to get his mate round to waft a towel on them during sex. After 20 mins of wafting, still no orgasm, so his friend suggests a swap.
“I’ll fuck her and _you_ waft the towel”. Dave agrees and within seconds Dave’s wife is screaming in pleasure and has the best orgasm ever.
Dave turns to his friend slowly and says “and that, my friend, is how you waft a fucking towel!”
---
### Author:  [@BDF](https://ukskateforum.co.uk/u/BDF)
#### Post date: [June 1, 2025, 7:48am UTC](https://ukskateforum.co.uk/t/continually-updated-dad-jokes/2335/107 "2025-06-01T07:48:09Z")
What’s the worst thing you can hear when you’re sucking off Willie Nelson?
“I’m not Willie Nelson”
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### Author:  [@doowyrag](https://ukskateforum.co.uk/u/doowyrag)
#### Post date: [June 18, 2025, 8:36am UTC](https://ukskateforum.co.uk/t/continually-updated-dad-jokes/2335/108 "2025-06-18T08:36:04Z")
My wife won’t stop moaning at me for spending £30 on a fake Rolex.
She’s been nagging since 1.83 o’clock.
---
### Author:  [@doowyrag](https://ukskateforum.co.uk/u/doowyrag)
#### Post date: [July 23, 2025, 9:37am UTC](https://ukskateforum.co.uk/t/continually-updated-dad-jokes/2335/109 "2025-07-23T09:37:06Z")
the shift key is the most useless key on the keyboard.
it doesn’t do anything.
don’t 2 me.
---
### Author:  [@judithpriest](https://ukskateforum.co.uk/u/judithpriest)
#### Post date: [July 23, 2025, 10:14am UTC](https://ukskateforum.co.uk/t/continually-updated-dad-jokes/2335/110 "2025-07-23T10:14:52Z")
doesn’t work for poor folk.
---
### Author:  [@Lazy](https://ukskateforum.co.uk/u/Lazy)
#### Post date: [July 23, 2025, 10:38am UTC](https://ukskateforum.co.uk/t/continually-updated-dad-jokes/2335/111 "2025-07-23T10:38:23Z")
_perhaps best said with a geordie accent._
rodneys’s friend brought an acoustic guitar to the BBQ.
nice guy but he could only daewon song
---
### Author:  [@judithpriest](https://ukskateforum.co.uk/u/judithpriest)
#### Post date: [July 23, 2025, 10:59am UTC](https://ukskateforum.co.uk/t/continually-updated-dad-jokes/2335/112 "2025-07-23T10:59:16Z")
similarly:
two geordies in a cave.
‘why aye i can smell coconut like’
‘well ya bounty’
---
### Author:  [@Lazy](https://ukskateforum.co.uk/u/Lazy)
#### Post date: [July 23, 2025, 11:16am UTC](https://ukskateforum.co.uk/t/continually-updated-dad-jokes/2335/113 "2025-07-23T11:16:18Z")
The main guy behind USB recently died.
At the funeral they lowered the coffin down brought it back up turned it over and lowered it again
---
### Author:  [@markg](https://ukskateforum.co.uk/u/markg)
#### Post date: [July 25, 2025, 8:52am UTC](https://ukskateforum.co.uk/t/continually-updated-dad-jokes/2335/114 "2025-07-25T08:52:07Z")
In my experience they’d have then dug it up again and put it back the first way.
---
### Author:  [@franc](https://ukskateforum.co.uk/u/franc)
#### Post date: [July 26, 2025, 7:14am UTC](https://ukskateforum.co.uk/t/continually-updated-dad-jokes/2335/115 "2025-07-26T07:14:00Z")
> **[Instagram](https://www.instagram.com/reel/DMWFFepM1Xc/?utm_source=ig_web_copy_link)**
>
> Create an account or log in to Instagram - Share what you're into with the people who get you.
---
### Author:  [@Lazy](https://ukskateforum.co.uk/u/Lazy)
#### Post date: [July 26, 2025, 12:36pm UTC](https://ukskateforum.co.uk/t/continually-updated-dad-jokes/2335/116 "2025-07-26T12:36:05Z")
oh my… quite hard (ahem) to concentrate on that joke
---
### Author:  [@judithpriest](https://ukskateforum.co.uk/u/judithpriest)
#### Post date: [July 26, 2025, 12:39pm UTC](https://ukskateforum.co.uk/t/continually-updated-dad-jokes/2335/117 "2025-07-26T12:39:35Z")
‘I’m sorry to say, your wife is divorcing you over your obsession with football stadiums’
‘On what grounds?’
---
### Author:  [@franc](https://ukskateforum.co.uk/u/franc)
#### Post date: [July 26, 2025, 2:41pm UTC](https://ukskateforum.co.uk/t/continually-updated-dad-jokes/2335/118 "2025-07-26T14:41:35Z")
> [@Lazy](#):
>
> oh my… quite hard (ahem) to concentrate on that joke
Yeah she doesn’t make it that easy for us.
Her account is basically a dad joke gold mine.
---
### Author:  [@MaxFacePalmer](https://ukskateforum.co.uk/u/MaxFacePalmer)
#### Post date: [October 11, 2025, 6:36am UTC](https://ukskateforum.co.uk/t/continually-updated-dad-jokes/2335/119 "2025-10-11T06:36:25Z")
Today Lance is quite a rare name.
Back in the day people were called Lancelot.
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### Author:  [@Hadenough](https://ukskateforum.co.uk/u/Hadenough)
#### Post date: [October 13, 2025, 8:08am UTC](https://ukskateforum.co.uk/t/continually-updated-dad-jokes/2335/120 "2025-10-13T08:08:11Z")
That reminds me: those little sachets of white sugar, you see them everywhere these days.
But the brown sugar ones? Demarara.
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### Author:  [@suitcase](https://ukskateforum.co.uk/u/suitcase)
#### Post date: [October 13, 2025, 8:24am UTC](https://ukskateforum.co.uk/t/continually-updated-dad-jokes/2335/121 "2025-10-13T08:24:45Z")
I met my life partner at the Ken Loach Filmography season at our local cinema.
It started with a Kes
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### Author:  [@Hadenough](https://ukskateforum.co.uk/u/Hadenough)
#### Post date: [October 13, 2025, 8:46am UTC](https://ukskateforum.co.uk/t/continually-updated-dad-jokes/2335/122 "2025-10-13T08:46:58Z")
Marriage guidance counsellor: “I’m sorry, Mr Mouse, but I just don’t think that your wife having buck teeth is reasonable grounds for divorce”
Mickey: “No, what I said was, she’s fucking Goofy”
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