Just failed my ventriloquist exams.
Can’t say I’m surprised.
Just failed my ventriloquist exams.
Can’t say I’m surprised.
How do Pterodactyls go to the toilet.
Silently.
Two fish in a tank.
One says to the other.
“How do you drive this thing?”
Need Jeremy Jones posting in here.
….
How many skaters does it take change a lightbulb?
One but it takes them 50 tries.
………………………………………
How many skaters does it take to change a lightbulb?
Two, one to change it and one to film it being done.
Today, my daughter asked “Can I have a book mark?” and I burst into tears. 9 years old and she still doesn’t know my name is Jim.
Don’t get it.
The kid was asking for a bookmark, to keep their place in a book. Dad is called Jim, but he heard, “a book, Mark”, as if she was asking him for a book and calling him Mark.
Yes this
Thanks.
I actually follow this account… being a dad and all.
You’ve got to hand it to blind prostitutes…
I put my car in reverse yesterday and thought “ah this takes me back”
Wife left me the other day. Said I never listen to her. Or something like that.
There are two Dad jokes I often make just to be an annoying twat. Those are…
That Richard Branston eh? He’s always in a pickle.
And…
If someone asks me ‘Are you alright?’ I answer ‘Half left’.
I know…I should be put down.
My actual dad honestly used to say that. Never found it funny.
It’s not funny, I know that but I can’t stop myself.
It’s not even a joke and simply typing this much makes me hate myself for it…
If my O/H or Son start a sentence with “you know what?” I always reply with “cold potatoes aren’t hot”.
I don’t know why and can’t stop.