Continually updated Dad jokes

Just failed my ventriloquist exams.

Can’t say I’m surprised.

4 Likes

How do Pterodactyls go to the toilet.

Silently.

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I’ve deleted the phone numbers of all the Germans I know from my mobile phone. Now it’s Hans free.

1 Like
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Two fish in a tank.

One says to the other.

“How do you drive this thing?”

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Need Jeremy Jones posting in here.

:skateboard::tropical_fish:

….

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How many skaters does it take change a lightbulb?

One but it takes them 50 tries.

………………………………………

How many skaters does it take to change a lightbulb?

Two, one to change it and one to film it being done.

3 Likes

Today, my daughter asked “Can I have a book mark?” and I burst into tears. 9 years old and she still doesn’t know my name is Jim.

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Don’t get it.

The kid was asking for a bookmark, to keep their place in a book. Dad is called Jim, but he heard, “a book, Mark”, as if she was asking him for a book and calling him Mark.

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Yes this

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Thanks.

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I actually follow this account… being a dad and all.

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You’ve got to hand it to blind prostitutes…

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I put my car in reverse yesterday and thought “ah this takes me back”

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Wife left me the other day. Said I never listen to her. Or something like that.

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There are two Dad jokes I often make just to be an annoying twat. Those are…

That Richard Branston eh? He’s always in a pickle.

And…

If someone asks me ‘Are you alright?’ I answer ‘Half left’.

I know…I should be put down.

My actual dad honestly used to say that. Never found it funny.

2 Likes

It’s not funny, I know that but I can’t stop myself.

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