Not Stoked.

Mate it was gnarly I’ll ask it’s in her notes.

My Mrs lost quite a lot to. Almost ended in c-section but she was put on a drip to help speed things along. She’s been induced with both children.

Decided on separating for a bit to work stuff out but honestly I have already starting going into a spiral of what the fucks next and so on. Lots of changes to our on paper perfect life ha. I won’t be able to afford the mortgage on my own, Hadn’t realised my wife was always in debt, she has a job paying twice that I make too so that’s a contentious point so i’m going to pay for everything while she gets herself straight but I can’t do that for too long. I’ll be selling half my studio gear to fund it, Trying to work out how I can look after the little one, do school runs while not taking the piss out of my business partner.
We are both going to share all child responsibilities and this isolation time is when we’ll talk it through but it will be hard doing it without at least a few angry exchanges. I can’t help getting ahead of myself and wanting it sorted.
Pffff, not the end of the year I expected and a good reality slap to the face after saying i’m too good to be making one of those lists haha.

DM’s open if you need to chat.

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thanks man, and thanks to peeps that have messaged.
I wouldn’t normally post shit like this on here, i’m just not that guy but this is different as I need to put something down somewhere to help process it. Not the kind of shit to bottle up.

100% man. Look I don’t know you from Adam but hit me or anyone else here up for a chat or anything else. This place is really supportive, no judgement

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I wonder how many marriages/partnerships have one or both sides with a completely different financial situation (debt or whatever) than the other realises. Bet there’s thousands of people with massive gambling issues that they keep hidden

I believe many do.

Me and my wife have full access to each other’s accounts and credit history.

Mainly because I was a compulsive gambler but still. It’s good to know what’s going on.

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Yeah pretty much ditto really. Some people balk at the idea of shared accounts but it really brought us closer

We have a house account for all the bills, a bit of saving etc. where most of the money goes straight away then our own accounts for the rest. We’ve both said that we might as well just have one account but it’s really just been the faff of rearranging everything that’s meant we never changed it.

And if I’m being completely honest I do like that I can be vague about the price of whatever stupid crap I bought this time.

Exactly the same for us. We pay set amounts into joint account for mortgage and bills etc, whatever is left is ours or for treating any of us.
And it’s not like she has any secret sides, just that she’s not been open about letting it get that way, and it’s because of both of us that it’s gotten that way too, just a spiral out of control on life spending and not telling me about it. It’s a shame because we could have kept a lid on it. She has always felt embarrassed about money as she thinks i’m going to think less of her for not staying in control of it, and to be honest, before I would probably get a little annoyed and give her a face when she asks me to pay for extra things. A few years ago she had to take a job after having our third boy and it was woefully underpaid but it was local and convenient but now she’s back to being paid well it has come to light that those couple of years have been costly and I had no idea. Could have been avoided but, there you go.

Lying about money is a pretty big deal man. Or even not telling the truth, if it’s ‘house’ money. You’re the least flashy dude on here and I can only imagine you wanting to keep track of the finances to make sure the family are secure and everything paid for and up to date or whatever.

Been divorced before, but not kids involved, and all I can really offer is that these things happen for a reason. These arguments that lead to these situations. Now isn’t the time to look back at some brilliant holiday or night out or something, because that might have to stay in the past. Try to concentrate on now, and what led to the current situation. Pining for times when you were both different people is pointless and it’s got to be all about you and the boys’ mental wellbeing in the immediate future.

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This is what we do, it’s just that my wife knows how much I have.

This works best for us. My wife earns more than me and doesn’t pay child support but we split all the bills 50/50.

Sorry to hear about this Bankskater, hope you can work it all out.

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Yeah it’s weird, we know both our strengths and weaknesses but still, she felt too embarrassed to reveal that life was costing more than I knew. I have not been a saint though, while i’m not controlling, actually the opposite, I think I have a way of showing i’m displeased. Seems I give off an aura where no one is good enough even without saying or doing anything. Something to work on. The money isn’t even a massive factor, it’s a result of her keeping stuff in and me coasting along without a care assuming all has and will be good. We both annoy each other of course and we’ve both had our independent sides but I just thought that these things just make us the strong couple we always were, barely arguing etc.
Anyway, I don’t need to be spamming the shit out of here, but thanks everyone, it helps.

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